As soon as I got back from this class, I went straight for the nutella. I desperately needed comfort food.
It wasn't a class I had registered for. After not loving that Soc class yesterday, I decided I wanted to keep my options open. I looked for more classes and found this cross-listed writing studies/curriculum and instruction course. The class was full, but I emailed the prof and she was gracious enough to say sure! come to class! oh, btw, everyone else will have read this book that I told them about a week ago. And it's not in the bookstore. But no biggie!
However, it was a biggie. A big biggie. Everyone else in the class (with the exception of 1 person, maybe) was a doctoral student, and they almost all had experience with doing research. I felt so incredibly lost. I have not had a tenth of the academic experiences that these people have, and it would have significantly impacted my performance in the class. Needless to say, I will not be going back.
As I was riding my bike home, I thought about why this class was so different than the two I've gone to and will continue attending. A big part of it is the expectation that I'm already doing a certain type of work, and this class will be a continuation, not a beginning. The nutella is helping me remember that I'm not dumb, I'm just a first year Master's student. And that is a significantly different place to be at than a fourth year doc student.
It also makes me wonder about the non-academic experiences that these people may have had (or not had). In my program (I can't really call it a cohort), I am one of 4 students who is not seeking a Master's + certification. That means (most likely), that there are only 4 people who have taught before (if that; I've spoken with two of the others: one hasn't done any teaching, and the other taught for 6 months.) I'm in an odd place. In some classes and in some ways, I feel like my teaching experience puts me at a major advantage; in other classes, my noobie-ness is terribly apparent.
Ah well. Someday I'll be at that doc level. Many, many years from now.
Elyse. You are one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Educational research can be worthwhile, but it also can be a load of shit, full of people who analyze from a safe and sheltered distance. There's a big difference between sounding smart and being smart. You are right, one day if you choose that path you will be able to follow along and join in such conversations. Wouldn't make you more intelligent than you currently are. Sigh. Can you tell I'm jaded by research? I'll try to be more open minded as you try to be less hard on yourself...
ReplyDeleteI didn't finish reading past the word "Nutella," because I was immediately distracted by memories of last week's pregnancy craving. Ah, I love me some Nutella.
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